Rearranging

I would love to raise awareness about Bipolar Disorder, for mental illnesses. The truth is, I can’t. I mean, not in the way I feel I should. When I write about the topic, I stop myself – and often. It just doesn’t flow. Plus, I am not particularly sensitive. It’s not my intent to offend. It truly isn’t. Not being me is something I don’t know how to do. I am what I am. That is to say, I don’t know how not be crass, derisive, and cranky. Being polite in public or in conversation is easy for me but I find myself internally screaming after a bit. I started this blog to give an idea about my world as someone with Bipolar II. The problem is, I don’t think I should write continuously about my life with Bipolar II. I love writing about life, in general. I live and speak in italics, far from edited. Personally, I believe everyone should. For the last year, I haven’t been myself, or anyone else for that matter. There has been so much in the way of transition that I’ve all but shut down. It shows in everything I do. Maybe not yoga, but everything else. Not once have I written a hostile and open letter. Not once have I written a house log, precious moments, pillow talk or really worn lipstick. One year is a long time to be gone. I don’t react well to transition, even if it’s a welcomed transition. Unfortunately, the transitions just kept on coming. This blog was intended to be an outlet, something to release the pressure. The happiest I’ve been while writing it (Yes, I know it’s fairly new) was when I was editing my older pieces. Is this because they’re representational of my older life or because there was no worry as to a theme in which I was writing about? I thought it would be easier for me to write about having Bipolar over being addict. Neither one is easy for me to write about, come to find out. I think it’s because they’re just building blocks – Bipolar II, Recovering Addict, Mother, Animal Person, Tenderhearted, Metal Music lover, wife … All of it is apart of me. Yes, I think I am going to make this blog about the life, world, love, anything and everything as it is in my mind. It’s all in my mind, right?

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